Realistic Expectations

One of the main reasons I wanted to do this blog was to chart the changes in expectations that someone might go through when training for a big event. Kind of an excercise in training psychology.

I've been keeping a log of the training that I've completed. More importantly, I've been logging the way my goals have changed. Originally, I wanted to finish in the top ten of my age group. I must have been batshit insane. It took two training sessions to realize that you don't go from out of shape 37 year old who likes beer (Jules calls the stuff I drink motor oil) to a svelt, greased up, ass kicking triathlete in 5 weeks. I find it laughable that I could have seriously thought different. Well now that I've sobered up from the "I'm going to do a triathlon" euphoria I can seriously set some expectations.

1) Complete all legs of the race without stopping/walking.

2) Meet my target times:
--300 swim: 4:30
--15 mile bike: 45:00
--3 mile run: 30:00

These times will be a pretty big stretch for me and just about good for enough for 3 places from last in my age group. Not even remotely competitive.

3) Really fast transitions. This is where you run from the swim to your bike and then from the bike to your run. This is probably the neatest part of the sport because of the planning that is involved. BTW: After 300 yards of swimming you are Paris Hilton stupid. After the 15 mile bike, you are truly dumber than a bag of hair and you'd be lucky to grunt an answer to any question asked of you.

4) Try not to pass out or throw up.

Look at the difference between these expectations.

Before first couple of training sessions:
I'm a shit stomping iron man athlete in training. The only reason I'm not going to win this one is that I don't feel like training every day. In fact I think I'll train a couple of extra days and just blow out the other fat f*ckers in my age group. Serves ‘em right the flabby bitches.

After first couple of training sessions:
I am the most out of shape piece of crap I’ve ever known. I’m going to start a vomiting chain reaction in the pool and ruin the event for everyone. I should just wash down some more twinkies with a black and tan and watch the first 3 episodes of Justified over and over from the sedentary safety of my broken recliner. What the hell was I thinking?

Current: I can do this but I have to be reasonable. What am I trying to prove? If that is what this is about then I need to probably work on why I need to prove anything. No I’m doing it because I am truly and completely out of shape. I’m 37 and I miss being an athlete. This is something I can fit around kids and Julie and my unpredictable-as-hell work schedule. Most importantly it’s something achievable. It just feels lately like there are all these things that we work so hard on that don’t really seem to accomplish anything (midlife crisis much?). Plus the training has turned out to be fun. After realizing that I’m not the Tiger Woods of triathlon (just kidding Jules) I realized that I am improving quickly.

Next post: Initial Training results for your comedic reading enjoyment. Think Rosy O’donnel running the Boston Marathon.